Relationships consist of different people trying to co-exist while operating on their own “code” or personal beliefs, values and experiences.
Your relational patterns–the ways you approach conflict, how you process shared experiences, your preferences for intimacy/privacy, etc.–are not unique to your partner; they’re actually unique to you– activated when you’re in-relationship with another person.
Couples therapy is a landing place to explore the differences/similarities; develop the soft skills to problem-solve and foster a meaningful connection; and to build a life of shared meaning or “code” as a union. In sessions, your couples therapist is not only a mirror to your relationship’s dysfunction, but a window into what can be instead.
Therapists are mirrors– reflecting how your individual, relational patterns show up as seen in our engagements in session. We thank you for bringing it into the space so that we can better see, understand and be curious about these patterns.
And we are also windows– an opportunity to witness and participate in different patterns of relating. When your pain or attachment wounds reveals itself in the way you defend, deflect or shut down/out, we aim to meet you with a response you perhaps haven’t received– one that’s tender and affirming.
In couples therapy, we are addressing interpersonal challenges across layers– within self, within the dyad, and briefly when appropriate, within the therapeutic relationship.
Written by: Elaine Raif
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