June: The Pressure to "Bounce Back"
Sometimes, there is
shame in “sitting” with the hard feelings. We might have the personal urge or external pressure to “get over it” or “bounce back” sooner than later.
Sometimes, “bouncing back” feels like a natural, necessary response- for survival.
Sometimes, “bouncing back” is what we interpret resilience to be.
Resilience is often a tale of someone who moves past the challenges, quickly returning to their baseline after a difficult situation or event. Hardly do we ever talk about resilience while someone is within their emotional distress or struggle. Instead, they must overcome by doing, eliminating, resolving first.
Where does this impulse to “bounce back” come from? What is the self-talk or tone around being in our struggle? What do we compromise in order to “get over it?”
Think about the messaging around you (in childhood, society, media, etc) about having difficult emotional experiences— How do we measure resilience? What are the stories we tell of those who overcome? What words do we use to describe them? What is the warning or fear if we don’t “bounce back”?
What words do we use to describe those who are in their struggle? And how do we meet them/ourselves with compassion?
We are proud of our survivors; we are survivors too.
And there is so much to gain in knowing, understanding and truly processing the struggle. We must know our own struggle in order to sit with others in theirs– this is empathy. It’s in processing our struggle, uncensored and true, we honor the full range of our human experience.
When we “sit” with the hard feelings, we sit with our entire, integrated personhood.
Written by: Elaine Raif
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