It is common to experience conflict and disappointment with our own caregivers.
As children, our world is limited to our home, school and/or another community but as we grow older, our world also grows. We begin to make decisions around our own relationships and values.
Oftentimes, these decisions feel separate from our caregivers and their teachings. There are generational, cultural differences that can make it feel like we are worlds apart from our caregivers.
Developing a renewed relationship with our caregivers (should we desire it) is not easy. Here are a few considerations to start:
First, honor our experiences.
The good, the bad and the ugly. Those events did in fact happen and had real consequences in our life. If we are willing, we help our caregivers see that.
Then, humanize our caregiver.
Try this: If you could put on a pair of “loving eyes,” how might you see your caregiver differently?
Finally, decide what is a “good enough” relationship and build towards that.
We cannot achieve perfection in relationships as there will be continued challenges. Instead, we can be honest about each other’s capacity and strive for a relationship we deserve– a “good enough” one based on mutual trust, respect and love.
Growing pains are expected. Invite vulnerability by exploring any resistance, notice and affirm positive changes, and practice forgiveness of self and others if applicable.
Written by: Elaine Raif, ASW#111237
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